Monday, April 2, 2012
I'm a beached WHALE!
It's been so long since I've gotten a chance to sit at my computer and type.
I'm now 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant- but who's counting right?!
I AM! That's who!
This has been the most difficult pregnancy I've ever had!
Over 20lbs of swelling in one month alone, protein in my urine, possible Preeclampsia ( my blood pressure isn't "high enough" to get the diagnosis)- I have every imaginable symptom. Constant migraines, over twelve pounds of swelling a month, yada yada yada. You get the point.
Have you ever been so swollen that your skin BURNS?!!!
Yeah- that's me right now!
I'm a beached whale at this point and it SUCKS!
I cannot wait to see my beautiful baby girl. so that all the hell I've been through during this pregnancy will finally be put in the past and all will seem worthwhile!
I'm finally ready for my baby!
Thanks to amazing friends and family.
Especially my daughter's speech therapist ( I'm gonna call her "Jo" in this blog) who has become way more than a friend, she's become my family.
Not only does she look almost exactly what my grandmother ( the good one!!! She's been suffering from dementia for several years now) looked like about twenty years ago even down to the same hair color and haircut, but she's just as kind and loving as my grandmother was before the dementia.
She's my guardian angel.
She came into our lives and changed it forever.
Sometimes I get teary eyed after chatting with her, because I feel like I've just talked to my grandmother. I realize how much I miss her and how these would be the conversations I'd be having with her, if she could remember who I am, and have a conversation with me.
Jo has been so loving and involved in this pregnancy. She really helped me stock up for my soon to be born baby girl. Bottles, steamers, burp cloths, clothes, play yard, you name it!!!
She went above and beyond anything I could ever even imagine!
That's why my daughter's middle name will be named after her.
Jo and I are kindred souls- just like my grandma and me.
My grandmother always understood me, and was always there for me.
I remember her taking me out for Chinese food once a week, every week.
Going to temple with her on the weekends.
She always brought the kitchen sink with her, so to speak-
she's allergic to everything, so she'd always have rice cakes and several cans of tuna in her tote bag- everywhere she went. She shopped for food like she was still living in the deep depression.
She never ran out of anything in her house. 30 cans of tuna, 5 jars of applesauce ( the must have Jew food staples in a home! hahaha), 5 packages of rice cakes. Her refrigerator was always packed with fruits and vegetables. She always served me my favorite foods when I was at her home, like sweet potatoes and would bake me enough of my favorite English tea cookies to have while at her house with plenty extra to take home!
She was an AMAZING cook and baker! She was a milliner and made my mom's veil, that I wore with my wedding dress.
But she wasn't just a kind, loving person that every single person that she met would fall instantly in love with her ( completely true by the way!), she had SASS and a half! She was super witty and had lots of spunk!
I wish my kids could experience a life with her like she was before dementia.
She wasn't rich, heck she was poor all her life- but always found a way to get me what I needed, being food, clothes, even get us out of being evicted by magically coming up with our back rent.
She doesn't deserve to have dementia. This angers me- a lot.
I wish she was happy and not stuck in another world.
Okay- enough of that for now.
I don't like getting emotional and teary eyed.
Just not my thang, you know?
So aside from all the pregnancy stress- I'm going through TWO transitioning processes with both my kids.
It's very different for autistic kids, going to another school grade level.
There's meetings and evaluations and lots and lots of fighting- for your kid to get the therapy and school they need and deserve.
It's a complete nightmare!!!
And to be going through the process with both of them is overwhelming to say the least!
My son Lee, going from early intervention to CPSE ( board of Ed).
And my daughter going from CPSE ( pre-school) to CSE ( elementary school level).
Plus I've had to do this all while physically suffering during this high risk pregnancy- as well as mentally and emotionally suffering.
No bipolar medication, remember????
It's been an enormous uphill battle!
Everyday has been a rollercoaster of emotions- and I've been trying my very best not to be a complete asshole.
Not to say, that everyone around me has been trying as hard as me.
I've been fighting with everyone almost daily.
I haven't slept for more than 30 minutes at a time in easily over 4 months!!!
Between my kids waking up at all hours every night, my daughter's night terrors and Dave's sleep walking and sleep apnea- every night is an EVENT!
I told you guys before, I basically run a mental institution.
The mental institution being my home with all my family living with me.
I've had appointments every single day!!! Sometimes THREE to FOUR in one day alone.
Filled with doctor appointments, evaluations, meetings- you name it.
What is relaxing even like???
I cannot remember anymore!!
Now- it's just a waiting game- till I lose my mind completely.
Actually a waiting game till I deliver.
To c- section, or not to c-section- that is the question at hand for my doctors.
Right now I'm scheduled for a c-section ( my third one- I'm not happy!) for April 9th.
But I'm hoping for a natural delivery- and a very quick and safe one at that- before the 9th!
I'll end this blog entry right here- because I'm rambling at this point.
Hopefully next time I right- I'll be a proud and happy mom of three kids! Woohoo!
*photo of my son after having passed out from a major tantrum ( lasting two hours) on my living room carpet! Dave then drew a moustache on him- just for payback! We gotta have fun sometimes!!!!
Kisses Bitches! Love-
your beached whale prego bitch!