Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Shit hit the fan

I would say, yesterday I hit an all time low, but that would be a lie. I KNOW what an all time low is.
So I guess yesterday was just a major low.
We have no money- and we're not even at the end of the month yet.
Despite the smart shopper I've become we still had only a little bit of money left yesterday for some much needed food for the kids and us.
My priority is of course, my kids being fed, everyone else ( all the adults)- not so much.
Though they can be very loud when they complain.
I'm at the cashier yesterday, already ready to cry from all the stress of having no money, but still having people to feed, and the card I assumed had money on it- well it did till yesterday apparently,
all of a sudden had none.
I had to divide the tiny amount of groceries I was buying- and was very necessary, onto two cards and one part cash. All my cash actually. I got nothing left.
Thank GOD I didn't break down in front of the cashier!!!
I waited till I got home. Luckily, our new family member ( Vivi's health aid, Marie), was there and comforted me by saying, "God gave you these children, he won't let them starve".
I get teary eyed just writing this.
She is amazing. We all love her very much.
She's always so positive and loving!
Vivi adores her!!! We all do.
I'm going to be in charge of the expenses next month. All of them ( well that's what was promised to me). I'm going to do my best, I already know our bills are WAY more than what we all come in with. It will be more than difficult, but I feel it will be better this way. I hope and pray!
Dave and I got to go to food stamps again, and beg them to increase our funds. Since they cut us by more than half over a month ago. It's so difficult to feed a family of 7, soon to be eight. If they hadn't cut our funds, I would've maybe been able to feed my family for another week ( it never ever lasts a whole month!)
I'm at my breaking point, truly.
How do I make sure we have money for rent, bills and food??
If things don't get better quick, I'll be back at the food pantries.
I gotta beg WIC for food too. That's always...interesting.
In my old neighborhood, they knew me, and were very kind to me, I was lucky. Here, with the shitty service we've been receiving everywhere we go, I can only imagine how it will go.

Wish me luck. And please Pray for us.

Dear God, if you're reading my blog, can you please grant us the luck to win the lotto??? Please please please!!!!

P.S.- I wonder where all my friends are? ( not gonna ask for money obviously!!!but definitely for a shoulder or two to lean on) I look around,  and I see near none.
One of my best friends, asked to throw a baby shower for me ( MUCH NEEDED!!! I need so many baby things that I have no way to buy right now). And I can't think of friends that would show up.
Maybe two, if lucky.
When I lived in Manhattan, every friend would show when I threw a party, more than I planned. But since I moved, it seems everyone ALWAYS cancels last minute. Including my 30th birthday party ( SUPER depressing).
Leaving me with an abundance of leftovers I cannot save, and a broken heart.
Where is everyone?!
Where are these so called friends?

Why do I even care right now? I have no idea.
I'm Aquarius, I'm supposed to be aloof, dammit!

Kisses Bitches,
Your main super depressed Bitch!


  1. Hey Beana, I know this wont help you feel any better but its everyone being broke. Almost everyone I know including myself are hitting all time lows when it comes to cash. For you its even harder because you got a huge family to worry about. The fact that EBT was cut in half for you is horrible! How do they do the math in that situation????? You know if I had the means and money I would definitely help you guys out. I havent been able to get out of this rut but I have faith that I will and I know you guys will too!! I see nothing but positivity in your future and I hope you can too!!

  2. Thanks hun, I appreciate it.
    It's different when it's just me and the adults, but when kids are involved- starving ain't an option.
    Me being pregnant, mameans I cannot starve ( I have to feed my baby, right?).
    Before we moved, and we were going to food pantries, I would just eat rice, and nothing else, just so my family could eat.

  3. I completely 100% agree with Natalia. We've been broke too, in fact I got a text this morning telling me we were over drawn and the paycheck doesn't come till next week, but I know you have it soo much worse. If I had the funds I'd help in less then a heartbeat, and you have a guaranteed + 1 to both your baby shower and birthday coming up. Even if I can't buy you anything, I'm collecting my quarters now for train and bus fare so I'll be there.

    But this is a year of great change sweet pea. Believe it.
    Good things are coming for all of us, but for those like you, just remember, "the meek shall inherit the earth"...in your case I hope that means the lotto, or something more stable.